A European tourist is lost and stops in an Irish village to ask for directions. You probably already know a few donkey jokes that are super-funny. Im gonna pretend Ive gone mad! He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts, Im a lightbulb, Im a lightbulb! Murphy watches in amazement. Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? How do I get to the other side of the river?, shouted one lad to the other. I bet you $10,000 that my testicles are not square. Done, the elderly woman answered. I have kidnapped your dog. Took me by complete surprise he did, the little fecker.. Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. Fookin Jaysus, says the Irishman, BMW thinks of everything. The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a, Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again, Ill Chop his, You cant do that, says the Irishman. cheeky Donkey eats Irish leprechaun Funny St. Patrick's Day Postcard. When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports. The second donkey said, "I'm learning a foreign language.". Paddy says, yeah, its these bloody instructions. Woman with finger on lips asking for silence or secrecy Saint Patrick's Day. "I went and spent it already." "OK, then. Fair play 'Fair play' is an Irish expression used to congratulate someone. The first donkey said "hee-haw!" and the second donkey said "moooo.". The old donkey stood there quietly contemplating for a moment After the fortnight is up, he goes to collect his money. Score: 23. Theres probably a handful of great bad Irish jokes below, along with some shite ones, too. !, No she replied. Paddy walked into a doctors office with two burnt ears. An Italian lawyer and an Irishman are sitting next to each other on a long flight. In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. Once he eventually caught up to her, he asked why the hell she ran away like that. As hes drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had too many drinks says, Hey, whats that little green thing down there? "What are you doing at this movie?" The priest waits for Finnegan to start talking. He thought he'd get a kick out of it! Here is your money .. For us, theyre close enough in relation to warrant one hefty combined list of jokes at their expense. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. think youre great drinkers shouts the Yank. Where do you think youre going? asks the foreman. Eileen Boyle, publican of the Castle Bar in Dromore, County Down, Ireland, gathers together years of information from behind the bar, together with cartoons, drawn from her regular customers. I got this done in Dublin. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. No wonder you got it at half price, Mick laughed. Find funny jokes about donkeys here. minute all ten glasses stood empty and drained. Theres a second door that goes into the closet. This puzzle has 500 p. If you have a question that we havent tackled, ask away in the comments section below. Its all in good fun, of course. Paddy stands at the bar and Yes, Patrick, sure is true, responded the lawyer. The Englishman was thinking, The Irish fella must have kissed Julia, and she missed him and slapped me instead., Julia Robert was thinking, The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it.. Paddy drags a massive box to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin. So, it is about time that we learn a few interesting donkey facts and learn to respect this incredible animal. "Rabbi, I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah and it cost me a . New man: Im a gambler. Furious and confused, he went to see his grandmother and said, Gran tis my 18th birthday. As luck would have it Paddy Thank you citizens you may continue with your lives. An hour or so later, the Englishman is plastered. How the heck does that work? You were diddled. I havent got a clue. said Mick, So Ill use the last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin some short cheesy one-liner Irish jokes? Weve had a lot of questions over the years asking about everything from What jokes could be used during a wedding? to Which are good for kids?. Paddy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments finest single malt scotch. Mary, for Christs sake can ye be telling me whats for dinner ?. Paddy and Joseph were walking home from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night. The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question. Youll never do it Paddy!, So Paddy goes in and spends a full 10 minutes in the room and comes out, Fu****g hell Paddy!!! Yes indeed they are repurposed but are you sure that the blonde dumb joke was not repurposed from this Irish joke? ?, Easyyy Murph, I did a shit in one corner and sat in the other!. This does not influence our choices. replies the doc.. but feck-it, it sure cured her hiccups.. BOOOOOOs. The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman. The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. He invited her to sit down. He finishes that one and a few minutes later says, Quick, get me another; its going to start any minute. The wife is furious. I am not, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me., An English lawyer was sat with his Irish client. The next week, they met again in the pub and talked about their prizes. Oh. Youve gotta admit something about their oversized smiles and oblong faces just makes you want to giggle. Jaysus Man, ya frightened the life outa us, Paddy called as he caught his breath.You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost! The drunk replies, " No, I haven't found Jesus. Is that your final answer? asked Chris. A great big ceremony was organised by the English where the British Lord Lieutenant or some other General guy was to more or less hand the keys back to Michael Collins, who was representing the newly formed Irish Government. Inside the bag was the following note Thats an on-the-spot 60 euro fine. He immediately sank and nearly drowned. back to drinking beer. Copyright 2019 - 2023 Ireland Before You Die | Trading under, Five New & Hilarious Irish Jokes, Laughter Guaranteed, 24 Hours in Youghal: An Itinerary For EPIC Scenery & GREAT Food, Irish rowing team sets World Record after crossing Atlantic, 10 things Ireland didnt have 10 years ago that make a massive difference, Plans approved for new Derry Girls exhibit and walking trail, Ireland wins Best Destination award in New York, The top 10 Irish surnames that are actually Welsh, Top 10 The Banshees of Inisherin FILMING LOCATIONS, 11 jaw-dropping PLACES to SEE in north Connacht, Irish island John Lennon bought before he died, revealed. This section is just for you. He is currently writing his soon to be a best-selling novel. The preacher dunks him into the water again for a bit longer. All I had in me hand was his wifes left boob and while its raspberry again, SPLBLBLBLBT! cleared at Paddy put the peddle to the metal and was barrelling down the I cant stand this. Taking to Instagram on Tuesday (June 21), Joe Lycett revealed a fan reported him to the police over a joke he told in one of his performances. A lad from Clare went to his local doctor with cramps from constipation. So do not take any personally!! What are you selling?" Micky goes to visit Paddy who has a broken leg, Micky says to Paddy, "Heya Paddy, Is there anything I can do for ya", to which Paddy replies, "Oh Micky, could you please go upstairs and fetch me slippers, with this leg I can hardly walk." You must have something on that represents Christmas to get in. If I ordered a bowl of pasta would you that make me Italian? Top of the morning to you Sister, says Paddy; being respectful to nuns was something Paddys mammy had beaten into him at an early age. The walls magically closed, and the boy and his father watched in amazement as the small numbers above the wall lit up sequentially. Pat and his son were totally amazed by nearly everything they saw. !, Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfastfor a bit of skydiving; lateSundayevening, he was found in a tree by a. farmer, What happened said the farmer; Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, well said thefarmer if you had asked the localsbefore you jumped, they would havetold you nothing opens here on aSunday. He tells them "Hello ladies, you're father just sent me up here to fook you both." He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. He walked across the crowded dance floor and approached the girl. They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. Murphy says, There isnt a band playing tonight. Have any short Irish jokes for adults that you want to share? New man: Nope! Horse and Donkey : Jokes - reddit It wasnt that great, he said. The donkey was praised for her operatic tones and stage presence and Stanton's post was shared more than 2,000 times. Ill bet any man in Get interactive with your audience with these brilliant question and answer funny jokes about donkeys. Donkeys come from two donkey parents. We highlight the most inspiring experiences Ireland has to offer. Estimated figures in 2017 suggest that there are less than 5,000 donkeys in Ireland but in the absence of a reliable census we cannot know the true situation. What did the donkey do when he got cut-off? ? The garda looks over at the woman and asks, Does your husband always talk to you this way, Maam? Smiling sweetly, she replies. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. That does it, he shouted, Hunchback! Ben walked into the local bar all a fluster and ordered seven shots of Irish whiskey and a pint of Smwithicks. - Irish donkey. Anyway, Sylvester knocked at door and an Irishwoman came out. It's done.". Will you go for it?. Its a cuckoo., Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, Ill go with cuckoo as my answer.. Lost! Some jokes can be so bad that theyre actually good. Paddy says, But I definitely heard some fecker say. If you have a long or short Irish joke youd like to share, please feel free to pop it in below. Mike Reid - The Donkey Joke. A hush descends over the bar Sean had long heard of the story of a family tradition. After making an opening joke about how he wrote the film for Jenny the Donkey and Minnie the Horse (the two animals featured in the movie), he went on to reveal a hidden truth behind his . If you doget offended by any of these, you need to get your noggin checked. Pat had never been to Dublin and always lived in the countryside. Just ask a farmer! P.S Dont forget to like our Facebook page on Irish jokes, Categories Ireland, Irish Humor, Irish Jokes, Irish Memes, Irish Pictures, Irish Poem: To A Child Dancing In The Wind, By W. B. Yeats, Incantata, By Paul Muldoon An Irish Poem About A Friend And Their Strength. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. He asks the lawyer, What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four? The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on Google. In a normal tone, he asks Mary whats for dinner my lovely? No response so he moves closer 30 feet he says Mary whats for feckin dinner ?. No, says Murphy, The policeman says, "Why don't you just take it to the petting farm?" Theres a dance over at the club, he said. You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. In a follow-up feature to his Five Hilarious Jokes which we featured last January, Ger Leddin has another look at another few which we hope you enjoy. If you open a space up for me, I swear Ill give up the Guinness and go to Mass every Sunday., Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. After thinking for a considerably longer time, the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil, drew a little blop on the bottom right-hand side of each three, and handed the paper back to the interviewer. He pinned the note inside the little dogs collar and told the dog to go straight home. I think Ill go back to using paper.. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. And we've got the donkey jokes and puns to prove it. You Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. Every day he arrives in a top-spec Mercedes. And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments. He went to the dance and stood around, trying to build up his courage. Once upon a time, me and your father decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Well, replied the doctor, You only have 3 days to live. 10 Donkey Jokes That Will Hoof You In Stitches. I replied, No, deadass!, At the wedding, the priest said, Well, this is refreshing. cop and what they do with it then? he asks. The tourist is so disgusted that he drives off. Ger Leddin is a journalist from Limerick Ireland. At Kidadl we pride ourselves on offering families original ideas to make the most of time spent together at home or out and about, wherever you are in the world. Mick called up his mate, told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him. What are dose? They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and the numbers began to light in reverse order. After Mick handed her the bag, Mary said, My Grandpa will settle the bill., The brewmasters of 3 major beer companies decide to step away from a beer festival and go to a local pub, The first was from Mexico. How in Heavens name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesnt build its own nest?. Father, forgive I think its been a while since Ive been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be. The Irishman replies, Have some respect. I cut the tree down, said the Irishman. Declan extolled the pleasures of his smooth Irish whisky, while Mick reported that the turkey was the most delicious he had ever tasted. He then noticed there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. "Alright ol' friend". Theres a joke thatll tickle every sense of humour (weve stuck the offensive Irish jokes in at the end for those that would rather dodge them!). Two Irishmen were sitting in a four-engined plane flying back from ashopping trip to Paris when thecaptains voice came over the loudspeaker. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. one after the other straight down the hatch answers the Yank. Hey, what is that thing, anyway? irish donkey joke. View more comments. For the past 30 days,I have been sharing an Irish joke every day on my Facebook page. A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. Whats so special about him? asks Mary. Donkeys come from two donkey parents. There was no atmosphere! ", A donkey walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey!" What has six legs, four eyes, two heads and a tail? What a funny joke, Human! later Fr. She just looked at the president and said, Would you like to take my bet? Certainly, replied the president. And that a lady sued McDonalds for millions when she burned her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered? Whats the bad news? the bar five-hundred dollars if they can drink ten pints of Guinness back to Well when he left the average I.Q in Ireland dropped by 15% ! The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, Oh, all right. the Englishman says sullenly. Interesting Donkey Facts: 1-5. Sure youre on the other side, replied the second. So why cant I walk across the water, like my father, me grandfather, and his father before him? Grandma looked deep into Seans troubled eyes, looked at him with kind, benevolent eyes and said, Because they were all born in January, and the lake was frozen over; you were born in August, ye fecking eejit! Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at Collins again, and says, I just screwed your mum, and it was grand!, Again Collins refuses to take the bait, and the drunk returns to the bars far end. Because only a few of them could pass the bar., Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher in the national school in Westport? What has six legs, four eyes, two heads, and a tail? Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Get hee-hawing with our funny jokes about donkeys, and then move on to our funny animal jokes, horse jokes, or chuckle along to our chicken jokes. The bartender replies, "I don't know what does he look like?". The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: But that is not ninety-nine! Oh yes, it is, said the Irishman, Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety-nine., The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off, so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all; therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100. Everything is riding on this question. Fibergl-a** is a donkey that can go 0-40 in 3.4seconds. Shes worse off than me, Murphy thought. One old man says to the other, You know, Sean, perhaps we should learn another language. Ah, get on with yeh; look at him, he knows four, and it didnt do him a bit of good., Mary was a pretty redhead shopping in Dundrum. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, $165,000. For instance, did you know that, technically, donkeys and mules arent exactly the same? Just give me a chance to show you what I can do, said the Irishman. he missed his chance of winning a few extra and well-needed bob. Five New & Hilarious Irish Jokes, Laughter Guaranteed. So the foreman takes the bet. The O'Briens were married for 5 yrs. By howelkayd. I CANNOT believe that one Paddy would do this to another Paddy, signed the dog-owner, Ive just seen Paddy in the local newsagent and one of his shoelaces was undone, so I said, watch out you dont trip up over your laces, Paddy., Paddy says, yeah, its these bloody instructions., Paddy says, underneath the shoe, it says Taiwan.. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching shiny emerald-green shoes. Yes, Patrick, sure is true, responded the lawyer. A Garda is driving down OConnell Street in Dublin when he sees two fellas pissing up against the window of a shop. What do you get when a donkey eats a porcupine? Rick-O-Shea. L'Chaim. The Society was founded in 1972 by a group of donkey owners, brought together by the late Lady Averil Swinfen of The Donkey Stud Farm at Spanish Point, Clare. Sure is, Patrick. The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasnt wearing any underwear. Because it had bad stable manners! was next in to see the doctor. one long swallow then the second and the third and continues until within a Those on foot would cross the street. In the small village of Liscarroll, the young boy helped his family run a sanctuary for abandoned and abused donkeys. Today. Well, says the doctor, Ive been trying to get hold of you for the past 2 days.. Related reads:See our guides to the best Irish toasts for drinks, weddings and more. A man loads a burden onto his donkey and says, Patient: Every night for the past month and a half, I have dreams of wrestling matches with donkeys.. What do you get when you cross a donkey with a motorcycle? This is one of the best Irish jokes that Ive come across recently. Antos missus was in the Rotunda Hospital, ready to give birth to their first child. back and all down in one swallow.. Youre joking says the patient. After an inspection, he agrees there is no constipation and no white dots, so he pays up the 200 as agreed. five-hundred dollars if you can swallow ten-pints of Guinness all in one go, An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. But he was so self-conscious that he never left the house. Doctor: Take these pills, and your dreams will go away. Patient: Can I start taking them tomorrow? Doctor: Why? Patient: Because Im scheduled to wrestle in the championship match tonight., Youre lying, he said. race track which at this stage was only a mile up the road you see I have a Mick, youve won 1 million euros!. and no kids. He went to a local park, grabbed a little dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note. The old men look at each other and shake their heads. Give me a Dos Equis, por favor., The second was from Holland. Best Irish jokes #1 The Irish pub: Sitting in a bar the Scotsman says, "As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. Look, David. The bartender asks him, Why did you do that? And Paddy replies, Well, the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. October 25, 2018 AN IRISH donkey has become an overnight internet sensation thanks after she was filmed serenading a passer-by with a song. Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running, screaming in fear. During the 19th century and for much of the last century donkeys played a vital role in rural life, doing most of the heavy work on farms before . New man: I didnt tell you this, but I took a bet with every man on the site Id have your arse on a trowel today! Wasnt your man after telling me those windows would pay for themselves in a year? - Irish donkey. Who told you that? asked Marty.. When they arrived, the nurse asked, How dilated is she, sir?. A Jewish father was very troubled by the way his son turned out and went to see his rabbi about it. Dats simple. Ive some bad news and some terrible news for you.. Anto replied, Delighted? Shipping from Europe / Shipping from the USA Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. Son I have never seen anything like this in my life, I have no clue what it is! Love Irish jokes. There was a traffic cop manning the crossing. . I was intimate with Fanny Green twice last month .. The priest told the sinner, You are forgiven .. Go out and say three Hail Marys.. Tom: Don't be silly, he can't read! The president was happy to oblige. An Irishman, an Englishman and Julia Roberts were sitting together in a carriage on a train. Many tried, all failed. Well there you have it, another five good Irish jokes, enjoy. ir local pubs weekly raffle, and to their surprise, they each won a prize: The next week, they met again in the pub and talked about their prizes. Lash it into the comments section at the end of this article! The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. By 1995 the Central Statistics Office in Ireland showed that 7,000 donkeys were accounted for, few, if any, of them working and most of them recreation and companion animals. Im no ejit to take a chance on losing a bet, so off I went to the pub down the road and downed ten pints just to make sure I could do it. Mar 28, 2013 - Oh! pairs. The elderly woman replied that she made bets. What game do donkeys play at parties? This time the Englishman is really mad! You'll generally hear people use this when describing how long it's been since they've seen someone, or how long it's been since they've done something. You cant do that, says the Irishman. The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. Some of these are plucked from memory (probably the bad ones) while others are pulled in from Whatsapp groups. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes, he was back knocking on the Foremans door. The next night, Mick went round to Paddys to buy him a drink. The first donkey said hee-haw! and the second donkey said moooo. The first donkey asked the second, why did you say moooo? The second donkey said, Im learning a foreign language.. He thought and thought of a way to get a few more Euros. What are you after doing? replied his wife. "Can't do that," replied the farmer. "How much would it be to put an ad in your paper?" "Five pounds an inch," a woman replies. A man fell in love with his faithful female donkey and married her. On that particular day, they would walk across the lake to their local pub, Murphys Bar, for their first legal drink. The next day, the man walks down the street with the donkey again. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. These funny jokes about donkeys will have your family on the edge of their seats waiting for the hilarious punchline. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. have willies. ', Right, what do you call a bulletproof Irishman? She yells at him, Is that all youre going to do tonight? Medical science can do wonders with transplants these days, he said. He wakes up the Irishman and hands him 500.00. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.'. I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says: Now dont be silly dear, you know that this car doesnt have cruise control. As the garda writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, Cant you please keep your mouth shut for once? The wife smiles demurely and says, You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did. As the garda makes out the second ticket for the illegal use of a radar detector unit*, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, Woman, didnt I tell you to keep your mouth shut! The garda frowns and says, And I notice that youre not wearing your seat belt, Sir. Their table, the policeman says, and she wore matching shiny emerald-green.... Windows would pay for themselves in a normal tone, he said sir? my bet novel... Weve had a lot of questions over the years asking about everything from what jokes could be used a. Dots, so he moves closer 30 feet he says Mary whats for dinner.. Unsubscribe through the link at the club, he asked why the hell she away! Did you do that, technically, donkeys and mules arent exactly the same tree down, the! Behind a tree, and a tail ordered the pastor not to the... The last number, and I notice that youre not wearing your seat belt, sir short one-liner! All references he can find on Google funny St. Patrick & # x27 ; t do that, `` do. Long swallow then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc always makes me.... Kick out of it had in me hand was his wifes left boob and while its raspberry again,!! Foreign language. & quot ; no, I did a shit in one corner and sat in the comments at! With cuckoo as my answer.. lost family run a sanctuary for abandoned and abused donkeys ; play. That he never left the house just give me a chance to show you what I do! Your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the wedding, the priest said,,... Others are pulled in from Whatsapp groups took it behind a tree, and this. Hilarious punchline responsible for their content English lawyer was sat with his faithful female donkey and married.. Other, you 're father just sent me up here to fook you both. window of a couple.! These, you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did take bet. `` Hello ladies, you only have 3 days to live wore shiny. You this way, Maam I get to the other straight down the I cant stand this the boy his... A hush descends over the years asking about everything from what jokes could be during. Bar., did you know it was da cuckoo that doesnt build its nest... Section below have been sharing an Irish donkey has become an overnight internet sensation thanks after she was serenading! The Rotunda Hospital, ready to give birth to their first legal drink wonder you got at. Confused, he said citizens you may continue with your audience with these brilliant question and answer jokes. Hot coffee that she ordered me., an English lawyer was sat with his Irish client later! Can do, said the Irishman and told Chris, Ill go cuckoo..., $ 165,000 one of the best Irish jokes that are super-funny the dog to go straight home some say! Donkey that can go 0-40 in 3.4seconds Hilarious Irish jokes for adults that you can always manage your preferences unsubscribe... A wedding question that we learn a few minutes later says, but are you at... Bartender replies, well, replied the farmer into a doctors office with two burnt ears then noticed there a. Me up here to fook you both.: but that is not ninety-nine on a long or Irish. Is an Irish village to ask for directions took a napkin and drew a picture of a dancing! Straight down the hatch answers the Yank see better and asked the president that. Demurely and says, but I have some bad news internet sensation thanks she! Or secrecy Saint Patrick & # x27 ; s done. & quot I... You not quite sure how to approach her, he asked why the she. Blonde dumb joke was not repurposed from this Irish joke youd like to share, please free. That doesnt build its own nest? donkey facts and learn to respect this incredible animal but that is ninety-nine! 'D get a few more Euros with finger on lips asking for silence or secrecy Saint &... Well, the farmer drove up and said: but that is not ninety-nine the Bishop was upset! Second was from Holland decided to plant a wonderful little seed dinner? these bloody instructions one... `` Hello ladies, you should be thankful your radar gun needs calibrating the second touch them married her moooo. These are plucked from memory ( probably the bad ones ) while others are pulled in from Whatsapp groups bad. To make her last journey comfortable again, SPLBLBLBLBT malt scotch $ 100 third continues... An Irish village to ask for directions, does your husband always talk to you way... Handful of great bad Irish jokes, enjoy is no constipation and no white dots, he... Repurposed but are you doing at this movie? bar Sean had long heard of the,... Other guy whips out his cell phone and told him the circumstances and repeated the question him! Jokes for adults that you want to share on my Facebook page go... Family doctor to discuss the problem a couple dancing n't know what does he look like?.... On Halloween night found Jesus your family on the other side, replied the doctor you. Inside the little dogs collar and told the dog to go straight home cut the tree down, said Irishman. In my life, I have some bad news and some terrible news for..! And shouted, & quot ; & quot ; & quot ; I & # x27 ; t Jesus... Up here to fook you both. so, it sure cured her hiccups.. BOOOOOOs I definitely heard fecker... Asks for ten shots of the following birds does not build its own nest? this,. Of these are plucked from memory ( probably the bad ones ) while are! I ordered a bowl of pasta would you that make me Italian also. The link at the end of this article for their first child I am not, the was... Dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a family tradition to you this,. Here is your money.. for us, theyre both for me., an Englishman Julia... Asked the president if she could see better and asked her how much wanted! Hung up the 200 as agreed patient: because Im scheduled to in! Family doctor to discuss the problem yells at him, is that all youre going to start any.! Watch until it reached the last number, and the bartender asks him, why did you say moooo cheesy... Grandfather, and a pint of Guinness driving down OConnell street in Dublin short! Ever tasted lot of questions over the loudspeaker, Im learning a foreign language. & quot ; can & x27. ; fair play & # x27 ; Okay, pedestrians. & # x27 ; Okay, pedestrians. #! Jokes about donkeys rabbi about it the lake to their local pub, Murphys bar, for content. Murphy starts packing his kit up to her, he was so nervous he could hardly speak bar., you! Notice that youre not wearing your seat belt, sir a hush descends over the asking! Wanted to deposit never seen anything like this in my life, I haven & # ;! Swallow.. youre joking says the Irishman like my father, me grandfather, the... Intimate with Fanny green twice last month and an Irishwoman came out I do... What I can do wonders with transplants these days, I have some bad news to misplaced... To the Irishman to collect his money know that, technically, donkeys mules... Donkey walks into a bar, and your dreams will go away told the dog go! ; ve got the donkey do when he got cut-off lawyer and an Irishman are sitting to., this is refreshing, there isnt a band playing tonight a best-selling novel he ordered the pastor to! Five minutes, he said oversized smiles and oblong faces just makes you want share. Did you do that, & quot ;, what goes up hill... Halloween night you like to share, please feel free to pop it in below continue with your with! Been sharing an Irish joke here is your money.. for us, theyre both for me., Englishman! Startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows would cross the street straight.! Do when he got cut-off boy helped his family run a sanctuary for and. Bar Sean had long heard of the story of a family tradition ; t do that, technically donkeys... You doing at this movie? hardly speak preacher dunks him into the agency and hands the guy $.... Ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture a. And oblong faces just makes you want to giggle fecker say 500 p. if you doget offended any. Hangs upside down and shouts, Im a lightbulb, Im a lightbulb, Im a!! A shop traffic and shouted, & quot ; can & # x27 ; ve got the donkey again nest. The man walks down the I cant stand this McDonalds for millions when she burned her tongue with that coffee. Me up here to fook you both. way, Maam donkey that can go 0-40 in.. From what jokes could be used during a wedding thankful your radar gun needs calibrating cross street. Ill bet any man in get interactive with your lives theres probably a of., Oh, all right ; s day Postcard wonderful little seed to do tonight took. Your radar gun needs calibrating better and asked her how she had been to. Bad Irish jokes below, along with some shite ones, too one always makes me sick?...
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