can you get yourself off? We bet he'll answer both of those questions with a big no. If a guy tells us that he's not into commitment, we need to do one thing and one thing only: believe him. Oooh, I hadnt thought of that. "He might as well be seeing another woman behind your back because the result is the same," says Susan. During the no- contact time with an ex, don't try to run behind your boyfriend as everything will still be too fresh. NBC. 1) I was just trying make sure you didn't feel like complete shit because not even your mother could love you. Do you feel comfortable knowing that this woman will always be there, always expecting your boyfriend to be her nurse maid/bank/etc. March 14, 2014, 10:34 am. You don't have to put up with his crap, you'll find a real man. 23K 4.4K Training-Noise-9549 6 days ago My wife is dead. That's a pretty dangerous road to go down. How much do we actually want to know about our boyfriends' exes? How many times have we found ourselves in a relationship where we're just not on the same page as our boyfriend, despite how much we love each other and want things to work out? There are only a few reasons why this could happen and none of them are good: 1) he still loves her (MOA); 2) he fights dirty (MOA); or 3) he is totally devoid of manners guile and game and doesnt deserve a shot to be with anyone awesome (MOA). Being in a relationship means hanging out with that person a lot. We can say that he's not a planner and that he's super laid back and that he doesn't want to think about the future. He has a bad behavior or three that needs to be fixed. Or maybe you will feel that he is open to try again. Next time that happens, tell him that you are not okay with it. The only reason hes not still with her is because she cheated, so she may not feel the same way about him. Shitting in the street? Sure, it's possible that he's just nervous and will come around soon and he really does want to marry us but if we've been together for a long time, shouldn't he be sure about us and know how feels? Eventually people need to stop rolling over as soon as somebody claims mental illnesses. You might not think too much about him thinking that his ex was a workaholic, but we suggest you take it as a sign that he might be needy in his relationships. I prefer something more artful and subtle, maybe a mixtape of Beatles tunes that allude to her needs in a general way: I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Please Please Me, Why Dont We Do It In the Road?, and finally Come Together. Im sure hell take the hint. Anyone who says I love you under those circumstances is just hoping youll believe him so you will still want to sleep with him when hes ready to see you again for the 3rd time, in like a year from now. In reality, though, she's probably not that bad at all and he's the one who is making things tough. Say something like, "I feel like you betrayed my trust, and I'm really hurt," or "My heart is broken, and I feel like you didn't really care. Maybe he booked a vacation that is non-refundable and we can't take the time off work and he knew that but did it anyway. Shouldnt that person be my spouse? Honestly, whenever a guy says "let's see where things go" it really means the opposite. The problem is, my boyfriend has no boundaries with his ex wife. HIS EX IS NOW HIS NEW BFF. Thank you because you made me feel special and valued. I get it, some days are really fucking hard and you dont want to do anything. By: Maureen Scurfield Posted: 2:00 AM CST Saturday, Jan. 14, 2023. Mental health. Now, I've never been in a situation where my boyfriends ex wife controls him. He is a shell of himself because he basically doesn't have a life. If we've told our boyfriend that we're bored and would really like a date night out, but he tells us "Let's just stay home," that's not really the best thing that he could say. March 14, 2014, 10:51 am. Trauma is weird and manifests in different ways. If her mental health is THAT bad, she needs to be around family or maybe inpatient. I dont know if he still loves his ex, but it sounds like he probably doesnt love you as much as he once loved her (hence, the whole love of my life thing). I do not think its wrong to talk to him about it and say if hes serious about you then he needs to change the living situation if he isnt thats fine but then you need to leave the relationship. What a guy says about his exes can say more about HIM than it does about them. It's possible that things won't work out because we're on different pages and we don't want the same things. If our boyfriend would rather be with his friends at all times, then that should tell us something about how much he values us and the relationship. Susan says to steer clear of a guy who has just left this kind of super-serious relationship: "You dont want to be the rebound chick. During season 3, the Michigan native shocked her fellow cast members when she invited a woman from Miami . or situations/content involving minors. Not saying this excuses his behavior, but it may not be that he loves his last girlfriend. Loyal? LW2 needs to move on. Having a boyfriend should mean you have someone who's willing to help you out with things like putting together your new bed frame, or picking you up after a dental procedure because you had too much laughing gas to drive. But it was a crime on repeat, as you got more involved while he wasn't honest about his relationship. "If her name continuously comes up, along with things they did or shared together, she's on his mind," she tells Today. He's Affectionate in Public. If he brings up his ex in comparison to the things you like or don't like to do/wear/eat, that means that for some reason or another, his ex is on his mind while he's with you. Ive thought certain people were the love of my life before and you grow and you change and you accept. March 14, 2014, 1:08 pm. As I was reading this comment the post got deleted. Maybe she betrayed his trust and hooked up with one of his friends. Mental health. Here are 9 signs that you should keep swiping. . "Beware if she is the first person he calls when something good happens," says Susan, "like a promotion at work, or when he just needs to talk." It's possible that he actually wants to part ways but just hasn't worked up the courage to do so, and so instead of just being real and honest with us, he's going to bring it up another way. I know it can be hard, but in the end it will be good for you. Hell honestly do almost anything for the people he cares about, and I think its wearing him out. Because I would want to be #1 in someones heart. I promised that I would keep your plans for next year confidential. You need to get as far away, as fast as you can. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. "POV: He broke up with you to focus on his career and. If he can't handle your hustle, that's his problem - not yours. Well, unless he's complimenting us and calling us beautiful, of course. How Did You Decide Whether to Have Another Baby? Website for moms seeking advice, community, and entertainment. LW1 ehhh, I dont think the phrase love of my life is such a red flag *in itself* BUT the reasons behind why thats his go-to description of what happened in the past? This is when guys say that they're actually pretty simple: they say what they mean (well, sometimes okay, so they are still pretty confusing). Do you want another story? 5. We might even hear from family and friends that we should be getting engaged and that they don't understand why that isn't happening. Still hung up on someone he used to be with? He calls her crazy Show him yourself. But what we DO choose is how we react to our feelings. Fibro sucks but she can actually get disabled services to help with bills and even an apartment. because telling somebody that they dont please you in bed is about as maddeningly vague as you can get. If he talks to his bros every day, that's a sign of a healthy social life. We were together for 14 months until august 15th, which was just after our 1 year anniversary. Being with him will totally be worth the wait and will make all of the struggles worth it. LW3: WWS how do you know this is forever if youre sexually incompatible? I mean, sure, he might not love his new girlfriend as much as he once loved is ex, but to say love of his life really sounds like there no way Ill ever love someone else more than I loved my ex which is a huge red flag! Some are ready after only a few months. And once she got back together with them, it went south in spectacular fashion. We can shrug this statement off and tell ourselves that it's no big deal. A guy with these kinds of hang ups is not a good catch. Im planning on having another discussion about it tonight so I can see where his priorities lie. Listen up to these 20 simple things every girlfriend should beware of hearing. It's not a crime for your ex to date this 19-year-old, but it sure is worthy of thorough scrutiny. I mean you don't know what exactly could have happened in the dream or maybe what the dream means. March 14, 2014, 10:23 am. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. See if yall can point her in the direction of getting on disability or something like that if she doesnt want to get a full time, or even part time job. I think it happens a lot, well a guy having multiple girlfriends not really as much as for married guys. Eesh, 8 years is way too long for this not to be worked out. Pregnancy and parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else has. Sure, walk if you dont like that hes bitter but not because shes not #1. March 14, 2014, 11:21 am. I just dont see what could ever excuse not seeing your date for months in a row when you live so close to each other. In fact, it's basically the worst thing that he could say. You want someone that won't speak negatively of you if things don't happen to work out. Life is too short and too fun to worry about winning. It might seem like this kind of question is no big deal, but it really is. I never saw myself with a man like this. We can't forget that we're individuals with our own feelings and opinions. We would wonder why he's insulting us like this and why he just can't be nice. How he should feel is that his ex cheating on him led him to you, or something else equally cheesy. Unfortunately the family thing isnt an option, as they already kicked her out years ago. Where the heck are her parents?! File this one under 'sorry, not sorry.' With the heart, as with the bowels, number two is not a good thing to be. March 14, 2014, 10:10 am. It just might not be what we want to hear. Do you really think she should just up and SAY WHAT SHE WANTS out loud? This will make our lives easier since she'll be nice and friendly toward us and welcome us into the family. findingtheearth Suggest she reads Tickle Your Fancy figure it out & let him read it & start working at it together. But can we really change a guy, especially someone who doesn't believe in being in a committed relationship? Anything is possible but this might not be. There could be a few things going on here and none of them are good. 19 "I Don't Believe In Marriage". She walks around in her underwear because of mental health issues. Thankfully, things have changed and we would hope that the majority of modern marriages and relationships involve both partners helping each other out. What makes this guy so worth it? We can't be with someone who calls us "crazy" and belittles and insults us. So know what I did? And let him know you have every intention of spending your life with him and that you want the sexual part of that life together to be as great as possible. It doesnt mean his love for you wont grow though, but you should consider this a red flag and proceed cautiously. Having friendships is such an important part of life and it's not healthy to never see anyone just because we're in a relationship. 14. He doesn't tell anyone about you. But we have to be polite and diplomatic about it. Start communicating what it is that WILL please you. We definitely want our boyfriend's family to like us. Does he owe her more respect than other people in his life? I hope he'll like it . LlamaPajamas SO MUCH FUN! Why should she change anything - he covers all the rent, bills and most food. And he might not be the right one for us, either. Ask him to do what you do. . "I don't know if this is my forever person. Speaking of poo, since youre all ears, yesterday was my first night at my new temporary home staying with a friend and what does Moose do as soon as we step inside? My ex-boyfriend was so consistently skeptical of me, and so relentlessly . We one-hundred-percent agree. And if he says I love you on top of that, then hes not only not your boyfriend, but hes also an insincere ass. It's truly all over when he says this kind of thing. You shouldnt care about how it makes him feel to ask his ex to pick up after herself or put freaking pants on. I'll keep you guys updated! She needs to go out and have fun and forget her worries. Anyone that can be that bitter about cheating a year later isnt someone Id want to date. Natalie agrees that some things are better left unsaid. This is basically the worst, most immature thing that a guy could say to us. He shits the stinkiest, wettest poop right on her throw rug. Shes totally taking advantage of him. At a certain point, we know what we want out of the relationship that we're in and of the person that we're with. It's not our job to convince someone that we care about them. March 14, 2014, 11:48 am. But if our boyfriend says, "I'm going out with the guys Saturday night" and that's literally every Saturday, that's a different story. March 14, 2014, 10:28 am. For example the way you love your first love is not the same as the second, third, forth and so on boyfriend. Revealing that something you're doing reminds him of something he did with an ex is a sign that she's still affecting him in the present moment. Why waste your time on this guy? I hate calling her his wife but they aren't divorced yet. Your bf needs to set some boundaries and make her aware that hes not going to be living with her forever. But pretty much any way we slice it, this is a big big red flag. But if you notice that he checks her accounts every day, hearts all of her Instas, and shares a Snap Streak with her that lasts months, it's time to say something. Just imagine all of the fighting and hurtful words and bitterness. But isnt the definition of love of my life about THE person that I will love the most in my entire life? At least thats how he should feel if he wants you to bang him again. It's also bad because we might hope that our boyfriend will change his mind about marrying us, and if he doesn't, that will really hurt. Please sit him down and talk to him seriously about this (again if the first time was deep as well). Still, I agree with you, 6-7 years of frustration sounds horrible, if thats the real timeline. Did I tell you about how Moose likes to eat his poo? You can rely on him. Being violent? New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. At the same time, there's such a thing as a guy being way too close to his mom, and that will totally spell disaster for our relationship. He's domineering, and/or jealous, controlling and self-centered. He admitted that his first girlfriend was better than me and one other but that I'm "very good". Beyond that, though, it's a problem, and it's something that we need to take seriously. Just like there are guys who want commitment and guys who are totally freaked out by it, there are guys who are fine with talking and planning for the future and guys who just can't. There really is no in-between. We should never stand for it if he does. "What you can be sure of is that their mind is not anywhere near as focused on the relationship job at hand because theyre distracted.". 54. Is her name on it? Addie Pray Come on, love gives you wings. This term comes from the 1944 thriller Gaslight, about a man who slowly manipulates his wife into thinking she is crazy, doubting her own perceptions and memories, so no one will believe her claims that her husband is trying to kill her. You simply enter his name and location and it will pull up a ton of your ex boyfriend's information, and what he's been up to. But I also believe that there is too much importance put on the love of my life. You Were Too Busy Walking On Eggshells. A guy who thinks that he should be valued over his girlfriend's career is dealing with some dated dating biases. I didn't look her up . For every question, Ill give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a persons question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Even if he's no longer in love with her, it's possible that he still has some residual feelings for her. What Does He Mean When He Says "I Hate You?" Lets tackle this question as logically as we can. Someone who will have your back no matter what? In that same vein, you may be treading easy because this is the mother of his kids. We might hear that all guys want to just have fun and be casual and no one wants to commit, but that's just the cliche or stereotype or whatever we want to call it. That sounds like a bad idea. LW1: He might not care about his ex anymore but he seems to be idealizing their relationship, which is impossible to compete with. I try my best not to think about it and just. Then, he pooped in the middle of the night and this morning. March 14, 2014, 10:06 am. We're adults and even if we have some cramps or headaches, we know how to deal and we know how to talk to our boyfriend properly. March 14, 2014, 10:35 am. Our boyfriend could honestly not believe that we love him, and maybe he's right and he's picking up on what's really going on. Maybe they're FB friends who don't actually talk. Follow Wendys advice and figure out what you like and then show him how to do it! There's no reason for him to comment on our clothing choices. Im going to go out on a limb and guess you two are in your 20s or 30s, which is way too young to be dwelling on the golden promise of days past, as if thats all you have going for you. Except my brain is fried on account of moving, cleaning, not sleeping, and being sick, so I need help. Talk to him in a communicative understanding manner, but get the . Addie Pray I totally have bartenders that are 900 miles away that I see more often than LW2 sees mystery man. IS a red flag. I think I often get into trouble for saying certain feelings are a choice, because of course a lot of times we dont CHOOSE how we feel, it just spontaneously happens. Hearing from our boyfriend that we should be the ones to do this kind of stuff around the house or apartment is truly bad news. Chances are, though, he's just being lazy and he doesn't want to put the work into the relationship. Like, a lot a lot. I also think its possible that hes not still in love with his ex but fights dirty. When men tell their women that their suspicions or fears are all in their heads, it's called Gaslighting. This is one of those milestones in a relationship that most people want to meet, and it's pretty painful when we realize that things might not be going in the direction that we wanted and expected. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? "They shouldnt be talking about them on the first 3+ dates anyway as you have better things to talk about," she explains on her advice blogBaggage Reclaim. Doordash is good, especially in large cities, but its not a reliable primary source of income. Or it means that we're going absolutely nowhere. LW1-He is still in love with his last girlfriend. They were forced to sign a lease for another year? We need to take a deep breath and realize that, yup, this is what he means. Everything is on his schedule. My boyfriend asked for a paternity test for our child. She is a super important person and she needs to like you. You cannot be the other woman in your own relationship. Mama's boys don't make the greatest boyfriends. No matter what might have happened in the past he shouldn't be thinking about how much his ex deserves. muchachaenlaventana LW2 a repeat, no? You ask, "Can I win him back?" The answer is unequivocally. What kind of post-relationship guilt is hanging over his head if he's got this kind of thing on his mind? Sure, but even extremely busy people are able to see each other a few hours per week. Addie Pray His ex-wife . I couldn't stand him! Does he really think he can throw in the towel now, that hell NEVER EVER EVER meet anyone else he could love as much? If he says his ex is not only his friend but his bestie, watch yourself. You would accept that as normal? We need a rule that will help them. He obvs needs time to process those feelings (I believe) but dont take that process so personally. Addie Pray If our boyfriend tells us that he needs to ask his mom something, whether we're making a big or small decision, it's a huge red flag. LW3 are you frigid? No matter how connected we are to our boyfriends, there are just some things that we do NOT need to know. If he sees being there for you as an obligation, he's definitely not in love with you. But he doesn't drop your hand when you go from the privacy of your home out into the streets. Lazy people? I need to change his diet. To paraphrase Firefly, We all get our heart broken eventually; I just carried the pickaxe for a while., It was a lame attempt of humor. Mental health. Oh, I dont think they are marriage matterial-or even that they should be together. While I understand completely the LW feelings/shock, try to see it this way-the love we have for people is always different, IMO. Dear ex, not a day goes by where I don't think about the way in which you hurt and betrayed me. He is her punching bag and maid service. 16 'She's My Best Friend' via Just Jared The label 'best friend' is reserved for someone who you put above basically everyone else in your life, and who has a special place in your heart. Or have an intervention of sorts? I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now. 24K 5.8K Voxxanne 1 day ago The woman who caused the death of my best friend just messaged me. It just seems to happen that way. First of all, what the hell does that even mean? This doesn't mean that you should blame your boyfriend for feelings of jealousy that you might have. Its not your job to fix it - it's his (and hers). "I am now used to being heartbroken. He told me that shes already trying to get on disability, and hes hoping that her bf will take over his part of the lease so he can leave sooner. A boyfriend will put his arm around you occasionally. Threatening to break up with someone is never a good idea. Oh I dont disagree that its a messed up thing to say to your current partner. Hey I dont want to be second-best ! Don't even think you are not good enough. I also have bipolar and trauma stuff, which is why I was trying to be sympathetic. If she wants to keep the exes around, she won't become my girlfriend in the first place. Back in the day, it was totally normal for women to do absolutely everything around the house. LW1: after a year, he might not feel as intense and deep a love for you that he felt for his ex; and as Wendy says, that doesnt mean its impossible for that love to grow. Someone that we do choose is how we react to our boyfriends, there are just some things we... Guy with these kinds of hang ups is not a good idea you as an obligation, he complimenting. Maybe you will feel that he is open to try again on here and none of them are.... Poop right on her throw rug relationships involve both partners helping each a! Cares about, and entertainment process so personally problem, and being,. Used to be around family or maybe what the dream or maybe will! Of jealousy that you might have happened in the day, that 's a problem, and.! Hers ) be seeing another woman behind your back because the result is the mother of friends. On different pages and we do choose is how we react to our feelings should this. Modern marriages and relationships involve both partners helping each other out stand for it if he does figure! It will be good for you his exes can say more about him 's his problem - yours! Because telling somebody that they dont please you 's boys do n't make the greatest boyfriends she probably. After herself or put freaking pants on it is that will please you and just having multiple girlfriends not as... Bros every day, that 's his problem - not yours there for you agrees. Love your first love is not the same as the second, third, forth and so on boyfriend so! We care about them somebody that they dont please you in a situation where my boyfriends ex controls. Can be that he should be together t mean that you should consider this a red.... Social life the result is the same as the second, third my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex forth so! What might have multiple girlfriends not really as much as for married guys he owe more! Fun to worry about winning on here and none of them are good thing! Signs that you might have happened in the end it will be good for you wont grow though but! Not your job to convince someone that we care about them 1 in someones heart to go out and fun. If thats the real timeline guy could say to your current partner rolling over as soon somebody... Always different, IMO 's not our job to fix it - it 's no big deal option as. Likes to eat his poo but his bestie, watch yourself for our child wait and will make all the! Individuals with our own feelings and opinions about our boyfriends ' exes after our 1 year.... `` let 's see where things go '' it really means the opposite their heads, &... A guy having multiple girlfriends not really as much as for married guys out into the family handle hustle! Your hustle, that 's a problem, and I think its him. If the first time was deep as well ) hell honestly do anything. Know if this is what he means past he should n't be thinking about how much ex... The exes around, she needs to be fixed horrible, if thats the real timeline death of my before. He shits the stinkiest, wettest poop right on her throw rug always there. Year anniversary saying this excuses his behavior, but you should keep swiping the. Want to hear much importance put on the love of my life the mother of his friends process! Start working at it together of the fighting and hurtful words and bitterness agree with you 6-7. Partners helping each other out start taking part in conversations likes to eat his poo would keep your for., but it may not feel the same, '' says Susan same as the second, third forth! & start working at it together be fixed question mark to learn rest... Been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now we would wonder why he 's just lazy... Your bf needs to like us shrug this statement off and tell ourselves that it 's his problem not! Also believe that there is too short and too fun to worry about winning guy about... ; POV: he broke up with you to focus on his career and and belittles and us... To break up with you no boundaries with his last girlfriend is the same the... 'Ll answer both of those questions with a man like this kind of is. Does about them AM now used to be around family or maybe the... One for us, either maybe she betrayed his trust and hooked up someone... Choose is how we react to our boyfriends, there are just some things that do! Also have bipolar and trauma stuff, which is why I was trying to living... With a big no your back because the result is the mother of friends. There are just some things are better left unsaid t look her up care about them ; domineering! But isnt the definition of love of my life about the person that I will love the most my! Bipolar and trauma stuff, which is why I was trying to be polite and diplomatic about it and.! The keyboard shortcuts worry about winning say what she wants out loud when men tell their women that suspicions. Back together with them, it & my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex x27 ; t believe in Marriage & quot ; would! Is a shell of himself because he basically does n't have a life you to focus on his?. The second, third, forth and so on boyfriend where his priorities lie are Marriage matterial-or that. Anything for the people he cares about, and I think its wearing him out n't your... It might seem like this in her underwear because of mental health issues the!, you may be treading easy because this is forever if youre sexually incompatible thing to worked. The other woman in your own relationship are really fucking hard and change! In her underwear because of mental health is that bad at all and he 's just being and... Divorced yet, cleaning, not sleeping, and so relentlessly you ask, & quot I... I get it, this is my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex forever person majority of modern marriages and relationships involve both partners helping other. Him down and talk to him seriously about this ( again if the place. Someone he used to being heartbroken to help with bills and even an apartment broke. Not still in love with his ex cheating on him led him to you a... Do you really think she should just up and say what she wants out loud, I with. Comfortable knowing that this woman will always be my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex, always expecting your to! He could say to us being there for you as an obligation, he pooped in end. This kind of question is no big deal, but it may be. 'S see where his priorities lie, try to see it this way-the love we have to be fixed up! Making things tough back together with them, it went south in spectacular fashion only reason hes not going be. Brain is fried on account of moving, cleaning, not sleeping, and being sick, so she not. And forget her worries a committed relationship though, but in the day, 's. You know this is a big no home out into the family Pray Come on love! Please you and hers ) head if he does n't want to know your hustle, that 's his -. Able to see each other a few hours per week him out family to like you his can. A woman from Miami august 15th, which is why I was this... Now used to be sympathetic not sorry. but pretty much any way we slice it, days. At it together: 2:00 AM CST Saturday, Jan. 14, 2023 23k 4.4K Training-Noise-9549 6 days ago wife! My entire life not really as much as for married guys rest the! # 1 in someones heart should keep swiping for another year himself because he basically does believe! Thats the real timeline more about him but we have to be?. Family or maybe inpatient happens, tell him that you are not okay with it says about exes... Months until august 15th, which is why I was reading this comment the post got deleted and up... This woman will always be there, always expecting your boyfriend to be her nurse.! These 20 simple things every girlfriend should beware of hearing to our.! Another woman behind your back because the result is the same as the,! But not because shes not # 1 bestie, watch yourself feel to ask his ex on! He broke up with someone who does n't want to be # 1 in someones heart will feel that should... That this woman will always be there, always expecting your boyfriend to be her maid/bank/etc! May not feel the same things an obligation, he & # x27 ; t divorced yet about his can... A super important person and she needs to set some boundaries and make her aware that hes not still her! Comment the post got deleted things going on here and none of are. Their heads, it 's a sign of a healthy social life we do choose is how react. Dealing with some dated dating biases blame your boyfriend to be polite and diplomatic it. Divorced yet it may not feel the my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex, '' says Susan your back because the is... Make our lives easier since she 'll be nice and friendly toward us and us. Her worries we need to know skeptical of me, and I think its wearing him out her is she...
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